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Birthday’s Always Bring Reflection

15 Aug

Tuesday August 9th was my birthday. Each year as I get closer to 30, my mind always looks back to when I was 18. Freshwoman year of college, I thought I literally had everything under control. Boy was I wrong. Almost 10 years later. I sit and reflect about all the things I had planned on doing by now.

1. Graduate Degree…. Not CLOSE and not in the immediate future

2. Married… no where near it.. cause I’m Super Duper Single..

3. Living in a house that I own… Close but not close enough..

4. Driving a Luxury Vehicle…. umm yeah about that.. lol long story

5. Making over $70k… lol.. what was I thinking..

I may not like that I don’t make a lot of money, but the fact that I do something I love keeps me happy. Although I have to work 1000 other jobs and hustles to make my standard of living. I am assured that one day God will grant me with a career that I love and get paid well to do it. Once upon a time I did make a substantial amount of money and HATED my job. So while I love my job I won’t complain until it is time for me to move on.

Being single doesn’t bother me much either because for once  I’ve learned to be alone and love it. I take myself out alone all the time and it has shown me that I can be alone and LOVE it!

What bothers me out of the entire goals by 30 list is the “what if’s” What if I had stayed with him? What if I had fought for once in my life? What if I had went straight to graduate school in the middle of this economic depression? What if I would have stayed in NC? What if I had never accepted my calling?

I remember I met someone 2 years ago almost to the week. It happened so fast. My mom told me it was moving to fast, but me being the lover that I am, I didn’t listen. Maybe because I saw him being a different breed of man. #1 he persued me.  I invited everyone to come to church for my birthday that year and although he had only known me through mutual friends and social networks. He came to church, he came to my birthday parties that year. I even caught myself being googly eyed about him and I barely knew him. We started a serious relationship immediately after my birthday. For the 1st time I had someone who I thought loved me flaws and all, then everything came crashing down, what he wanted (namely kids) I wasn’t sure I wanted.  Maybe I should have just kept my mouth closed and not have been so opinionated about things, but being the Leo that I am I always had to let everything be known.

You see, as as I get older I realize that there aren’t many times in life you really fall in love. I’m the type that if someone does me wrong I drop them and never look back. Just ask my college boyfriend. lol I’ve only been in love with 2 people in my lifetime. We will call my 2nd love. Purple.  Please don’t expect this to be a comparison of my 2 loves. Both are drastically different.

But Purple, he had me at hello. Literally. I never knew he paid that much attention to me and as time went on, I found out that we had much more in common than I cared to recognized. The one thing I loved about Purple more than anything was that he was supportive of me, that he was kind to me, that I would literally rush home, so that we could be together that night. It was the type of love I yearned for in my life. The type of love that we all wish we could have in our life time.

To this day I still love him. Even though the whole “in love” and “love” come up often in my thoughts of him because face it, we don’t just stop loving someone after we break up with the. But, Sometimes I wonder if we can ever get that love back, that love that we first have with someone. That love that makes you weak and that makes you wear something special because you know they will be there, that makes you skip hanging out with your girls, to spend time with them. The love you tell all of your friends about. The love that Years later, the only man you even talk about to them is him lol.

It’s hilarious but with each year, I wonder over and over, was he my “great love” ? Maybe I’m just naive to think that after all this time, I could still love him and he could still love me. I’ve learned to be able to express my emotions and feelings over the past few years. Before I would just bottle them up and not express them until I just blew up..

But now as each birthday  passes I realize how very fragile I am. How constantly getting rejected and ignored by the one person you thought cared about you can do to your already weak spirit. Advice to my sistahs: love yourself enough to know when to move on. Love yourself enough to love someone. Love yourself enough to recognize when someone is using you and love yourself enough to know that you are a rare gem! God loves you and no one defines your worth, not a man, not a family member, not  even your net worth.

Lauren Hill said it best when she said “I loved real, real hard once, but the love wasn’t returned. Found out the man I’d die for wasn’t even concerned. “

I wish that I could get those days back and cherish them more.  But I know its all a part of God’s bigger plan. With each passing year, I know that God has something bigger and greater in store for me. With expanding my ministry and various businesses. With getting married to the man of my dreams, with having a kid or two. living in a house that I own  and making above and beyond the amount of income I had planned to make.

I’ve learned that my mistakes make me human. That my prayers keep me going and that my family keeps me grounded. I’ve learned that although you may love someone, they may never forgive you and may never allow you to love them because they have no clue what it really means to be loved. I’ve learned that true love always returns if its supposed to and that the person God has ordained for me to be with, is waiting for me just as I am waiting for him. I’ve realized that being away from people makes it so much easier to think clearly.

The most important thing I have learned is that although I am single, I am never alone. I’ve learn to TRUST God for big things even when they seem so far away! God has set me apart for a reason. I’m rare because God wants me to be that way. I pray that everything I do uplift the Kingdom of God in a special way. A delay is not a denial!

Proverbs 3:5- “Trust the Lord, with all your heart and Lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your paths”

God be in my thoughts, so my mind will cease to wander. God be in my dreams, so I don’t lose touch with heaven
God be in my emptiness; that I may cease to hunger . God be in my silence, that I may hear Your voice.

Lord I will trust you.. Thank you

After All that I have been through, I still have JOY!  This joy I have, the world didn’t give it to me and  the World can NEVER take it away!

STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM!!!

15 Jun

Listen to these Stories and Tell Me WHICH One you Prefer:

Man and Woman marry. They have 4 children and continue marriage for 30 years.  Man cheats and marries woman he cheats on wife with.  Woman NEVER remarries and lives with resentment her ENTIRE life for what she believes he did to her. Creating stress for the 4 children.

Man and Woman marry, they have 4 beautiful children, man cheats on wife and marries the woman he cheats on wife with.  1st Wife, moves on, gets married to her 2nd husband and although there is initial tension, the woman moves on and still is friendly to her 1st husband and his wife.

 

My name is Jenee and I have been cheated on. Not once, not twice, but multiple times. Did I die from it, No. Did I learn from it, HELL YES! Women we have to STOP playing the Victim. YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST NOR THE LAST TO GET CHEATED ON!!!

Just because he/she cheated does not make you LESS of a woman. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, BECAUSE IF IT WAS, HE WOULDN’T HAVE CHEATED. People cheat because they are selfish, PERIOD. Not because you did something wrong, not because you didn’t do enough. What they lay down and do is between them, God and that other person. Be HAPPY THAT they did and you found out so that you can find someone who CARES AND LOVES you enough to not cheat on you. Since when did a relationship define who you are as a woman, a mother as a FRIEND.  I usually don’t comment on Reality TV because I don’t care enough but the episode of  The Braxton’s literally HURT my HEART. Because I have seen and been a living example of the life that The Braxton’s lived.

Initially I didn’t want to talk about it, because truth is, it still hurts to think about it, but I pray that this story will help some woman MOVE ON and LIVE HER LIFE!

 

Janine and Logan were married for 15 years,  they met each other at a young age, got married and decided to have children. During the course of their relationship, Logan was unfaithful to Janine multiple times. Logan and Janine filed for divorce knowing that their children’s lives would be forever changed. Janine was very hurt because the man that she loved and trusted was now with the woman he had been cheating on her with.  Janine had a hard time adjusting to life as a single mother. She had her family’s support but she really struggled initially.  Especially because less than a month after her divorce was final between Janine and Logan he  married Sasha, the same woman he was cheating on Janine with. Janine decided to allow her children in the wedding of Logan and Sasha. It hurt Janine to the core but she knew that this was all a process and that her children had NOTHING to do with the break down of the marriage between and her Logan. Janine could have chosen to be bitter, angry and ressentful towards Logan and speak negatively about him to their children, but instead she chose to move on and let her children keep a healthy relationship with their father regardless of if she was still hurt by the things he had done in their relationship.  Over the course of years, Janine and Logan’s children got older. They found out exactly what happened with the marriage of their parents. Their father had become distant, with his new wife and her children and only came around his own children when there were special events or during the summer. Although, Janine encouraged the relationship between Logan and his children, his children had gotten older and he had not learned how to balance his new family and his other family. Needless to say there was hurt for Logan and Janine’s children because they didn’t understand why their father wasn’t around them and didn’t have a strong relationship with them. Fast Forward 5 years. Janine is now  remarried, Logan divorced Sasha and has started to try to sever the things he couldn’t balance while married to Sasha. Fast Forward 3 years, Janine and her children were introduced to a child that Logan had while he was married to Janine. The daughter that he knew was his but never told anyone about or spent time with. Their lives are still growing and the story continues.

 

 

I am a character in this story, and although I won’t tell you who. I wrote it out to say, STOP holding your children and your life HOSTAGE because of what a man did to you! STOP living your life resenting someone who doesn’t even care about you ANYMORE. Janine could have easily gone on to tell her children what a HORRIBLE person Logan was. But Janine did not, she realize her children had NOTHING to do with the problems that occurred in her marriage. Instead she chose to LIVE and LOVE herself enough to see that she needed to move on and NOT play the Victim. What is even more incredible about this story is that after all these years Janine found out that Logan had a child by another woman while they were in their first years of marriage. Janine LOVEs this child as if she were her own because she is the sibling to her own children. Janine grew up with her father in and out of her life, so she wanted to make sure her children kept a relationship with their sibling.

 

We should all confront and  recognize our anger and bitterness toward others, because that is part of the healing process however, harboring those feelings and refusing to work toward the restoration of broken relationships is contrary to God’s will and desire for our lives. We need to prayerfully confess inner feelings of anger,  to God and then  surrender them to God so that he will heal our hearts and allow us to move on. When we don’t allow ourselves to forgive those who have done us wrong, we are only hurting ourselves!! 

“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins too. Mark 11: 25″

“And I will give you a new heart — I will give you new and right desires — and put a new spirit within you. I will take out your stony hearts of sin and give you new hearts of love. “ Ezekial 36: 26-27

 

Choose to NOT play the vicitim!

 

Love you all!

So Why am I Single?

29 Nov

Everyone from my Ex to my grandma want to know why I’m single. When I give men my stats: “late 20′s, great cook, no kids, college educated” their immediate response is “why are u single”
How the hell am I supposed to know?
I can’t lie I often wonder what is wrong me! I have everything men ask for but yet I’m single. I have girlfriends that are single and I know why! They are nagging and annoying and slightly crazy. Me on the other hand I don’t display the “usual” single woman tendencies. I go to church, and I love football!
I just want someone who loves me for me! Is that to much to ask for?

Don’t get me wrong this blog isn’t my ploy to say I’m desperate for a man, because truth is, if I wanted to, I could go on a date every night!! I’d rather have 1 person to grow with than multiple people.

My ex said I’m a bit rude to strangers, but he’s the only person that said that, he also said I wasn’t jazzy enough when every guy I’ve ever dated said I was too jazzy!

But for once I’d like to meet someone that just is genuinely interested in me! Someone that is not married, or has ridiculous baggage that’s still there, or isn’t interested in a serious relationship.

I’m not saying we have to meet and immediately fall in love and get married!! Companionship that’s all! Somebody to go do things I can’t do alone! Like the circus or bunjee jumping!

I’m not worried about when it will come because I know it will! I haven’t been in a serious relationship in over 2yrs! But I wish people would stop asking why I’m damn single!!!! Geesh! Lol
My heart is ready and willing and I know this is seriously all about God’s plan! I’m not trying to force anything!

My name is Jeneé and I seriously have no clue why I’m single!

Goodnight!

Hello, Im a Serial Dater

20 Nov

My Name is Jenee and I’m a Serial Dater

I’ve been on a total of 10 dates in 15 days. Needless to say its exhausting.

*Disclaimer: if anyone I’ve gone on a date with reads this, I’m sorry, I’m a blogger everything goes on my blog, don’t take it personal*

Thinking back into my dates, all the men are starting to sound, look, feel the same. Not having a connection with anyone slightly worries me. So here are the stats.

3 are single fathers.
1 is an “entrepreneur”
10 are under 5’10
5 are in graduate school
1 sells dogs for a living
All are over 28-35
1 Brought me Flowers
1 I paid for myself because he said he wasn’t “hungry” and didn’t offer to pay for my food.
1 has a roommate
1 was my ex

I could go on and on. They all come from different socio-economic backgrounds, and are of every hue in the brown family. They are all brothas.. I give most dudes a try, If you ask me on a date, I will probably say yes, as long as its feasible with my schedule. But what kills me is that I don’t have connections with any of these people. Umm what’s wrong with me?

The 1 guy I liked hit me with a text that said “I really like u but I need to close a previous chapter I left open before I start 1 with u” Really dude?!?! You didn’t realize that before you asked me on a date. We had talked on the phone about everything and u failed to mentioned you were dating someone else. Nicca, I didn’t ask you to marry me. We were just spending time together.. But I digress

I’ve probably been to every restaurant, bar, bookstore you can name and I will admit a chick is tired..

No, I will not come to your house to chill, we just damn met and have only been out in public once!!

I could write a book just on these dates, but they would be pretty boring like all of these dudes. My girlfriends love to date. Me, not so much. Time is money to me, and all this time I’m giving to guys who aren’t even worthy of it, is starting to annoy me. My main problem with being single is that I never have a shortage of men who think I’m beautiful and smart and genuinely like me or even men who just wanna have sex with me. But it baffles me because I see these guys and I don’t like any of them!!

Who made this whole dating thing up? Who invented this crap? I just need 1 person who can deal with my bs, likes my cooking, loves me for me, and doesn’t want kids (or anymore if he has them already)
I’m not open to the idea of having a person growing inside of me.. Lol
Meanwhile, its a Saturday night and I’ve gotten 2 date requests.. And therein lines my weekend dilemmas. I don’t want to at home but I don’t feel like dealing with dudes I really don’t like!! I guess its true before I find my handsome prince, I’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs

Help!!!!

Signed
Miss. Jenee the Serial Dater

My Online Dating Experience

18 Aug

I have been struggling on wether to write this blog, I don’t mind being transparent if it may improve the lives of those around me, but my dating woes are a bit complex.However, I am already starting to feel some sort of inner release just by the excitement from this post.

Hello… My Name is Jenee…And I am an On-Line Dater

You got it right, I have once been a member of Black People Meet, EHarmony, Match.com, and even Plenty of Fish. Today is not the day to give a review on these sites but I will say this, all of them have their own pros/cons.

At 1 point about 3 months ago, I got addicted to Online dating. I checked my various sites more than my email. When matches or messages came to my e-mail I read them almost instantly. On-line gave me a thrill, way more of a thrill than regular dating did. I was almost at the point of insanity with regular dating. Men didn’t approach me, when and if they did they were straight DUDs who didnt care obviously.  But online dating was my way of dating hundreds of men without ever giving my number out!

1st Eharmony made me answer about 1000 in-depth questions and they matched me with my high school crushed.Needless to say, we hit it off hard. He really showed me a few things and we “dated” for a few months and realized we were better equipped as friends. We were very compatible and I often wonder how out of the thousands of people on eharmony we were matched. Call it coincidence or call it fate.but we are still great friends to this day. The details to this ordeal still makes me sad….lol

I went on a few dates with others I met on various sites and none of the dates went any further than a few phone calls,or dinners or nights on the town.. Until I met “Him”For months I kept pushing him away, I wasn’t quite sure about him. He was from NYC, a Sigma and he wasn’t my usual corporate thug. But I’m a firm believer that  When You Want Something You Have Never Had You Must Do What You Have Never Done. So, I gave him a chance and yall he is courting me! He hasn’t tried to rush anything and is truly trying to get to know me, ya girl is no longer single! :)

Needless to say, On-line dating has been a life changing experience and I am glad I did it! I’m an advocate for all of the above websites, there isn’t much too loose from trying!! So for all the black people wonder, there are hundreds of fine, successful men with no kids, no drama and who want to get married online dating. They don’t club on the regular or have a lot of issues. They just want someone to love!

Without Love.. It Ain’t Much

26 May

They say you are NOBODY until Somebody loves you and that there is only 1 Happiness in this life to be Loved and To Love someone else. Well….. what about the Glamorous Girls?!

“She wants to lead the Glamorous Life
She don’t need a man’s touch
She wants to lead the Glamorous Life
Without love
It ain’t much

They made love and by the seventh wave
She knew she had a problem
She thought real love is real scary
Money only pays the rent
Love is forever
That’s all your life
Love is heaven sent
It’s glamorous”

Bitter is the NEW BLACK

22 May

I’ll admit I’m bitter…

I’ve been done wrong so many times I can’t even count them, from the man that cheated on me with multiple women, to the man that had a baby with another woman while we were in a relationship, to the man that said he just couldn’t handle being in a “monogamous relationship”. SOOO excuse me if I’m a little bitter, LET ME TAKE THAT BACK, A WHOLE LOT BITTER. While my friends are off in happy relationships, and having children, I’m still dealing with the same no good men who continue to do me wrong.

It doesn’t make me less of a woman no, but it does make me cautious to get into something new with the guy who’s soo pressed to get to know me! Fact of the matter is, I don’t smile back at every guy that approaches me and I don’t sell hello to every John, James and Keith because in the back of my mind, I’m wondering what does this nigga really want from me, is it sex, is it things, is it time, is it arm candy. What is it that this man really wants from me?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m almost a constant contradiction, but hell that’s me!! I don’t believe in those bitter women that tell you men “ain’t ish”, and all the good men are married, and there is a “Black Women/man epidemic”, “I’d rather be alone than deal with these men” and most good men are in jail, because they are lying!! . Truth is  there is a wonderful, gorgeous God fearing man who works hard, and seriously loves me out there I won’t stop having faith that God is sending him to me. There is a man that will love you, take care of you, marry you and have kids with you and WON’T run away. But the reality is WOMEN run them away! YES i SAID IT, AND ONCE I’VE DONE IT! I ran him away, will all my past “hurt” and bitterness I had him thinking there was NO WAY he could repair that heart of mine. BUT WHAT IRKS ME IS THIS: STOP ACTING LIKE ALL MEN WANT TO HURT YOU,

YES I’M

BITTER..

BITE ME

But I have faith in GOD that shows me I shouldn’t male bash every man I meet!!

Cause EVEN on a bad day I’m a 6 maybe 7. My hair may not be done, I may have just had a silly argument with an ex who doesn’t deserve my time, I still need to loose those last 30 lbs but I’m still a 7. When I’m feeling and looking like who shot John men approach me, men tell me how beautiful I am and almost all of them ask me “Where my boyfriend is” So you know what,

THAT’S WHAT MAKES

ME

REALLY REALLY REALLY

BITTER.

YES, I  am beautiful, educated, well-versed, I’m a Domestic goddess who loves to cook and yes, I am even funny at times, but why does that make me psycho if I don’t have a man.  SINCE WHEN DID A MAN DEFINE ME.. Since when was it ok to say “damn, she must be crazy cause she ain’t got a man, she just too good to be true”

PLEASE

SOMEBODY TELL ME

WHERE THIS

BS

came from.

However, I will take some RESPONSIBILITY in this myself, because honestly I don’t always pick the right ones, matter of fact, I take full responsibility because here I am constantly making the decision to pick the same WRONG kind of man. I know I am going to catch slack for this, but truth is ALL MEN ARE THE SAME. ALL MEN WILL SHOW YOU IF HE’S INTERESTED IN YOU. If he wants you he will show you. Not just in a few phone calls every day but in his actions, he wants to see you, he wants to spend time with you and girl he wants to have sex with you. I don’t care if he says he’s tired or he’s busy or he’s   Men are PHYSICAL, and want to have sex!!! I DON’T CARE IF HE’S A PREACHER, A MUSLIM OR A MARRIED MAN; I don’t care if you are 300lbs or 98lbs a man ALWAYS will look at you! He will always look at women and wonder what is under her clothes. THAT IS ALLLLLL MEN.

NO MATTER HOW BUSY HE IS, HE WILL WANT TO SEE YOU AT LEAST FOR 15 MIN a day if possible, he will want to make sure you are ok and he will want to ensure that he can have sex with you. It may not be today or next week, but men live with the “possibility” factor. I make a man wait, even if I’m not trying to deal with a man on a serious note, I notice that look in his eyes when he’s undressing me and I keep that element of surprise so even if he thinks hes gonna get some he probably WON’T.

Let me break it down for you in the excuses men make and how we believe them,

Dear Miss. Jenee,

My man Cameron is the bomb. He works everyday, he takes care of his son and he cares about me. We started dating about 6 months ago and he really keeps showing me we are moving to the next level. He’s soo attentive, he calls/texts to check on me, we see each other 3-4 times a week, we go on dates and we have a good time, he has actually been around some of my family. I would love to be in an exclusive relationship with him, but, he actually he told me that he was still hurting from his last relationship. I spend the night with him often and we cuddle and watch TV. but he won’t ever initiate sex with me. He will kiss me good nite and say “I’m tired” I really want to keep dating him  but I am unsure where this is going, I am sure I can change his heart.  What should I do…

Love Kim

Dear KIM,

umm where do I start, CAMERON IS just not that into you! If he wanted to be with you he would make you his  girl. My last boyfriend had been in a VERY bad on and off again relationship that had seriously broken his heart. He hadn’t been in a serious relationship in years but at the end of  the day no matter how near or far we were from each other he wanted to make me his. He didn’t want to be with ANYONE ELSE and he wanted to have me all to himself. And girl, that’s what men do when the are REALLY INTERESTED IN YOU. I don’t care how bad he’s been hurt if he’s not initiating sex he isn’t into you. No able bodied man even if he’s work 24 or 12 hours is going to NOT be all over you if he is interested in you. But sweetie. you should just cut your losses.

xoxox

Miss.Jenee

This is what makes me BITTER, why don’t men just tell you what they want. Yes, Cameron told Kim he didn’t want a relationship, but in a woman’s mind if they are spending 3-4 days with you and communicating with you on a daily basis, then they are your “girlfriend” they give themselves the title because they feel they are just that important that you care about them enough to spend the majority of their time with her.

I have been there before, we get so caught up in the fact that he is always there and he gives us companionship that we miss the real reason we are even involved with him. If you just want companionship then keep dealing with him, because that’s ALL YOU ARE GOING TO GET. HE IS NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HE ISN’T GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU UNLESS YOU BEG. ALL you are to him is a friend who he spends time with. Maybe he has been through some things in the past but truth is, if he wanted to be in a relationship with you he would be. The first time I had to ask a man I had been dating for almost a year to have sex with me my self-esteem plummeted because I KNEW he wasn’t into me. I ignored the facts but in the back of my mind I really knew he wasn’t interested and here I was lowering my standards for a man that WAS NOT ATTRACTED ENOUGH to me to have sex with me. But here is what really made me bitter, even though he wasn’t having sex with me, he was constantly telling me how beautiful I was. This confused the hell out of me. He obviously thought I was pretty but he personally wasn’t attracted enough to me to have sex with me.

So this is my conclusion, no matter how bitter a man can make you, rest assured another will come around. If its next year or the next hour some man will come around and give you hope, but we have to know when to cut our losses. Never be so “comfortable” with a man that you don’t catch the signs and loose your self-esteem because that is how these old women become sooo bitter. They spend their whole lives being mad at Tony, Keith, Cameron and Eric for what he did wrong until they don’t stop to look at what THEY DID WRONG!!

I PROMISE YOU, if you pay attention to the signs he will always show you, men are assholes girls and they won’t always tell you they aren’t into you, but they will ALWAYS SHOW YOU…

Peace and Blessings

xoxoxo

Miss.Jenee

He’s Just Not that Into you Part 2!

21 May

My new Vlog

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