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STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM!!!

15 Jun

Listen to these Stories and Tell Me WHICH One you Prefer:

Man and Woman marry. They have 4 children and continue marriage for 30 years.  Man cheats and marries woman he cheats on wife with.  Woman NEVER remarries and lives with resentment her ENTIRE life for what she believes he did to her. Creating stress for the 4 children.

Man and Woman marry, they have 4 beautiful children, man cheats on wife and marries the woman he cheats on wife with.  1st Wife, moves on, gets married to her 2nd husband and although there is initial tension, the woman moves on and still is friendly to her 1st husband and his wife.

 

My name is Jenee and I have been cheated on. Not once, not twice, but multiple times. Did I die from it, No. Did I learn from it, HELL YES! Women we have to STOP playing the Victim. YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST NOR THE LAST TO GET CHEATED ON!!!

Just because he/she cheated does not make you LESS of a woman. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, BECAUSE IF IT WAS, HE WOULDN’T HAVE CHEATED. People cheat because they are selfish, PERIOD. Not because you did something wrong, not because you didn’t do enough. What they lay down and do is between them, God and that other person. Be HAPPY THAT they did and you found out so that you can find someone who CARES AND LOVES you enough to not cheat on you. Since when did a relationship define who you are as a woman, a mother as a FRIEND.  I usually don’t comment on Reality TV because I don’t care enough but the episode of  The Braxton’s literally HURT my HEART. Because I have seen and been a living example of the life that The Braxton’s lived.

Initially I didn’t want to talk about it, because truth is, it still hurts to think about it, but I pray that this story will help some woman MOVE ON and LIVE HER LIFE!

 

Janine and Logan were married for 15 years,  they met each other at a young age, got married and decided to have children. During the course of their relationship, Logan was unfaithful to Janine multiple times. Logan and Janine filed for divorce knowing that their children’s lives would be forever changed. Janine was very hurt because the man that she loved and trusted was now with the woman he had been cheating on her with.  Janine had a hard time adjusting to life as a single mother. She had her family’s support but she really struggled initially.  Especially because less than a month after her divorce was final between Janine and Logan he  married Sasha, the same woman he was cheating on Janine with. Janine decided to allow her children in the wedding of Logan and Sasha. It hurt Janine to the core but she knew that this was all a process and that her children had NOTHING to do with the break down of the marriage between and her Logan. Janine could have chosen to be bitter, angry and ressentful towards Logan and speak negatively about him to their children, but instead she chose to move on and let her children keep a healthy relationship with their father regardless of if she was still hurt by the things he had done in their relationship.  Over the course of years, Janine and Logan’s children got older. They found out exactly what happened with the marriage of their parents. Their father had become distant, with his new wife and her children and only came around his own children when there were special events or during the summer. Although, Janine encouraged the relationship between Logan and his children, his children had gotten older and he had not learned how to balance his new family and his other family. Needless to say there was hurt for Logan and Janine’s children because they didn’t understand why their father wasn’t around them and didn’t have a strong relationship with them. Fast Forward 5 years. Janine is now  remarried, Logan divorced Sasha and has started to try to sever the things he couldn’t balance while married to Sasha. Fast Forward 3 years, Janine and her children were introduced to a child that Logan had while he was married to Janine. The daughter that he knew was his but never told anyone about or spent time with. Their lives are still growing and the story continues.

 

 

I am a character in this story, and although I won’t tell you who. I wrote it out to say, STOP holding your children and your life HOSTAGE because of what a man did to you! STOP living your life resenting someone who doesn’t even care about you ANYMORE. Janine could have easily gone on to tell her children what a HORRIBLE person Logan was. But Janine did not, she realize her children had NOTHING to do with the problems that occurred in her marriage. Instead she chose to LIVE and LOVE herself enough to see that she needed to move on and NOT play the Victim. What is even more incredible about this story is that after all these years Janine found out that Logan had a child by another woman while they were in their first years of marriage. Janine LOVEs this child as if she were her own because she is the sibling to her own children. Janine grew up with her father in and out of her life, so she wanted to make sure her children kept a relationship with their sibling.

 

We should all confront and  recognize our anger and bitterness toward others, because that is part of the healing process however, harboring those feelings and refusing to work toward the restoration of broken relationships is contrary to God’s will and desire for our lives. We need to prayerfully confess inner feelings of anger,  to God and then  surrender them to God so that he will heal our hearts and allow us to move on. When we don’t allow ourselves to forgive those who have done us wrong, we are only hurting ourselves!! 

“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins too. Mark 11: 25″

“And I will give you a new heart — I will give you new and right desires — and put a new spirit within you. I will take out your stony hearts of sin and give you new hearts of love. “ Ezekial 36: 26-27

 

Choose to NOT play the vicitim!

 

Love you all!

Let he who is Without Sin…

24 Sep

When I first heard the news about Bishop Eddie Long, everybody who isn’t a member of ANY CHURCH started to bother me. Not because they are the main ones  throwing stones and they don’t belong to ANY ONE’S church. But because of the harsh and brutal words they had against this man. Many failed to realize that before he is a preacher and before he is a Bishop he is a HUSBAND/FATHER and even before that he is a man. He is a man who has feelings and one who has to provide for his family.

What the media has FAILED to mention is that Bishop Long and his church have contributed millions of Dollars to not only the Dekalb County School System but to various organization, political campaigns and has bought cars, meals, food, houses for so many of his members. How many of you can say that today you HELPED somebody OTHER than yourself?!

But this blog isn’t on my opnion on the scandal of this Bishop, because

  1. Its not my place to judge him
  2. I am  not a member of his church or his family
  3. I respect and have extreme admiration for this man regardless of this situation
  4. I know his son and was once a classmate and friend of his.
  5. The court of public opinion has already demeaned him guilty and he has yet to confirm the charges or even go to court for them
  6. Bishop Long will come out from this, no matter if his church folds, his wife leaves or he has to pay out Millions. He will always be a man ordained by God and you can not take that from him
  7. How would YOU feel if someone told about every thing you had done out to the media, you would probably be in jail.

Now  that I  got that on  out the way… on to the blog…

“The Homophobia and sexophobia of black church leaders can be found in their literature, preaching, and revivalism.” Anthea Baker

When I was about 8, I met my 1st gay man. He was in fact married and he was in fact not openly gay. He did my mother’s hair and was very well known through the city. It wasn’t until I was older and in high school that I met my 1st openly Gay woman. I never quite understood the dynamic. Call it growing up in a sheltered lifestyle or growing up in the church. I never understood what “Gay” meant.  I went to church where homosexuality was not discussed, I came home and it wasn’t discussed.  I really had to learn it on my own and I must admit other than the harsh words that the black community has had to say about homosexuality I had to learn that the sin wasn’t in being gay but the sin is in homophobia.

Yes in Leviticus 20:!3  it says NKJV: (New King James Version) “If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them.” but somehow the  church seems to forget the 10 Commandments.  I won’t do bible commentary in this blog but the sin is the hating of others.  How can we believe in this scripture but also believe the commandment that says “THOU SHALL NOT KILL”

When a person in the bible asked JESUS HIMSELF what the biggest commandment was he said  in Matthew 22:36“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38This is the first and greatest commandment.39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

How can we possibly call ourselves Christians and we don’t love other who are lesbians.   When I went to a good friend of mine’s wedding a month ago, I put the pictures on my facebook and my phone went insane. I got every question asking if I was lesbian and so forth because it was a lesbian commitment. I will not discuss m personal preference in this blog, because like i always say, the people who know me, know whom I choose to love and be with. I don’t put people in a box, the feelings that the homophobic have often change when they find out a member of their family is gay or a dear friend decides to come “out”.

The very scripture that we use so often John 7 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” is about a WOMAN.  Why is it that we condemn so harshly the women who has committed the crime but not the man, why is it we want to condemn homosexuality but let those who commit adultery, kill and steal get a pass. When a man admits he is gay not only does his family and his friend condemn him but he is liable to loose his job and his place in society.  We have got to stop!  I know we hold preachers and men/women in power to a different level and God does as well, but remember that it’s not about YOU. Before you cast the first stone know that you yourself have sinned. Instead of calling out what you think is NEGATIVE, be positive and help somebody!

Shoot me I’m a lover and I love people, despite their flaws and their desires. I pray that you learn to do the same

Bitter is the NEW BLACK

22 May

I’ll admit I’m bitter…

I’ve been done wrong so many times I can’t even count them, from the man that cheated on me with multiple women, to the man that had a baby with another woman while we were in a relationship, to the man that said he just couldn’t handle being in a “monogamous relationship”. SOOO excuse me if I’m a little bitter, LET ME TAKE THAT BACK, A WHOLE LOT BITTER. While my friends are off in happy relationships, and having children, I’m still dealing with the same no good men who continue to do me wrong.

It doesn’t make me less of a woman no, but it does make me cautious to get into something new with the guy who’s soo pressed to get to know me! Fact of the matter is, I don’t smile back at every guy that approaches me and I don’t sell hello to every John, James and Keith because in the back of my mind, I’m wondering what does this nigga really want from me, is it sex, is it things, is it time, is it arm candy. What is it that this man really wants from me?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m almost a constant contradiction, but hell that’s me!! I don’t believe in those bitter women that tell you men “ain’t ish”, and all the good men are married, and there is a “Black Women/man epidemic”, “I’d rather be alone than deal with these men” and most good men are in jail, because they are lying!! . Truth is  there is a wonderful, gorgeous God fearing man who works hard, and seriously loves me out there I won’t stop having faith that God is sending him to me. There is a man that will love you, take care of you, marry you and have kids with you and WON’T run away. But the reality is WOMEN run them away! YES i SAID IT, AND ONCE I’VE DONE IT! I ran him away, will all my past “hurt” and bitterness I had him thinking there was NO WAY he could repair that heart of mine. BUT WHAT IRKS ME IS THIS: STOP ACTING LIKE ALL MEN WANT TO HURT YOU,

YES I’M

BITTER..

BITE ME

But I have faith in GOD that shows me I shouldn’t male bash every man I meet!!

Cause EVEN on a bad day I’m a 6 maybe 7. My hair may not be done, I may have just had a silly argument with an ex who doesn’t deserve my time, I still need to loose those last 30 lbs but I’m still a 7. When I’m feeling and looking like who shot John men approach me, men tell me how beautiful I am and almost all of them ask me “Where my boyfriend is” So you know what,

THAT’S WHAT MAKES

ME

REALLY REALLY REALLY

BITTER.

YES, I  am beautiful, educated, well-versed, I’m a Domestic goddess who loves to cook and yes, I am even funny at times, but why does that make me psycho if I don’t have a man.  SINCE WHEN DID A MAN DEFINE ME.. Since when was it ok to say “damn, she must be crazy cause she ain’t got a man, she just too good to be true”

PLEASE

SOMEBODY TELL ME

WHERE THIS

BS

came from.

However, I will take some RESPONSIBILITY in this myself, because honestly I don’t always pick the right ones, matter of fact, I take full responsibility because here I am constantly making the decision to pick the same WRONG kind of man. I know I am going to catch slack for this, but truth is ALL MEN ARE THE SAME. ALL MEN WILL SHOW YOU IF HE’S INTERESTED IN YOU. If he wants you he will show you. Not just in a few phone calls every day but in his actions, he wants to see you, he wants to spend time with you and girl he wants to have sex with you. I don’t care if he says he’s tired or he’s busy or he’s   Men are PHYSICAL, and want to have sex!!! I DON’T CARE IF HE’S A PREACHER, A MUSLIM OR A MARRIED MAN; I don’t care if you are 300lbs or 98lbs a man ALWAYS will look at you! He will always look at women and wonder what is under her clothes. THAT IS ALLLLLL MEN.

NO MATTER HOW BUSY HE IS, HE WILL WANT TO SEE YOU AT LEAST FOR 15 MIN a day if possible, he will want to make sure you are ok and he will want to ensure that he can have sex with you. It may not be today or next week, but men live with the “possibility” factor. I make a man wait, even if I’m not trying to deal with a man on a serious note, I notice that look in his eyes when he’s undressing me and I keep that element of surprise so even if he thinks hes gonna get some he probably WON’T.

Let me break it down for you in the excuses men make and how we believe them,

Dear Miss. Jenee,

My man Cameron is the bomb. He works everyday, he takes care of his son and he cares about me. We started dating about 6 months ago and he really keeps showing me we are moving to the next level. He’s soo attentive, he calls/texts to check on me, we see each other 3-4 times a week, we go on dates and we have a good time, he has actually been around some of my family. I would love to be in an exclusive relationship with him, but, he actually he told me that he was still hurting from his last relationship. I spend the night with him often and we cuddle and watch TV. but he won’t ever initiate sex with me. He will kiss me good nite and say “I’m tired” I really want to keep dating him  but I am unsure where this is going, I am sure I can change his heart.  What should I do…

Love Kim

Dear KIM,

umm where do I start, CAMERON IS just not that into you! If he wanted to be with you he would make you his  girl. My last boyfriend had been in a VERY bad on and off again relationship that had seriously broken his heart. He hadn’t been in a serious relationship in years but at the end of  the day no matter how near or far we were from each other he wanted to make me his. He didn’t want to be with ANYONE ELSE and he wanted to have me all to himself. And girl, that’s what men do when the are REALLY INTERESTED IN YOU. I don’t care how bad he’s been hurt if he’s not initiating sex he isn’t into you. No able bodied man even if he’s work 24 or 12 hours is going to NOT be all over you if he is interested in you. But sweetie. you should just cut your losses.

xoxox

Miss.Jenee

This is what makes me BITTER, why don’t men just tell you what they want. Yes, Cameron told Kim he didn’t want a relationship, but in a woman’s mind if they are spending 3-4 days with you and communicating with you on a daily basis, then they are your “girlfriend” they give themselves the title because they feel they are just that important that you care about them enough to spend the majority of their time with her.

I have been there before, we get so caught up in the fact that he is always there and he gives us companionship that we miss the real reason we are even involved with him. If you just want companionship then keep dealing with him, because that’s ALL YOU ARE GOING TO GET. HE IS NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HE ISN’T GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU UNLESS YOU BEG. ALL you are to him is a friend who he spends time with. Maybe he has been through some things in the past but truth is, if he wanted to be in a relationship with you he would be. The first time I had to ask a man I had been dating for almost a year to have sex with me my self-esteem plummeted because I KNEW he wasn’t into me. I ignored the facts but in the back of my mind I really knew he wasn’t interested and here I was lowering my standards for a man that WAS NOT ATTRACTED ENOUGH to me to have sex with me. But here is what really made me bitter, even though he wasn’t having sex with me, he was constantly telling me how beautiful I was. This confused the hell out of me. He obviously thought I was pretty but he personally wasn’t attracted enough to me to have sex with me.

So this is my conclusion, no matter how bitter a man can make you, rest assured another will come around. If its next year or the next hour some man will come around and give you hope, but we have to know when to cut our losses. Never be so “comfortable” with a man that you don’t catch the signs and loose your self-esteem because that is how these old women become sooo bitter. They spend their whole lives being mad at Tony, Keith, Cameron and Eric for what he did wrong until they don’t stop to look at what THEY DID WRONG!!

I PROMISE YOU, if you pay attention to the signs he will always show you, men are assholes girls and they won’t always tell you they aren’t into you, but they will ALWAYS SHOW YOU…

Peace and Blessings

xoxoxo

Miss.Jenee

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